I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
