I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
