For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
