im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
