My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
