She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
