After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
