It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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