Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
