You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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