Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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