i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
