you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
