does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
