Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
