areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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