New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
