I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
