I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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