I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
