This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
