You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
