it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
