This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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