She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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