My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize