I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We have so much sex to catch up on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
