Are we in a gay sports bar?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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