I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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