It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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