just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just puked most of my soul out..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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