And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
