I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
BRING THE BAGELS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
