yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
