You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
