What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
