"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize