you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
