school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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