And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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