So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
