Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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