I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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