I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
