her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
