he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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