My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
