i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
