he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
