it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
