awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
