im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
