well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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