I'm gonna have a badass scar
Buhtt sex?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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