You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
