you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it