I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.