My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.