Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.