i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.