I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?