Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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