i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
