i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize