I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
